Stan Hesling
Posted by Tyler Kirk on Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Under: bad movies
Crap Helsing
Remember how "Scary Movie" lampooned horror movies in a way that was actually funny? I really miss those days.Remember "Van Helsing"? Whether you liked it or not, I pray to God that you won't like "Stan Helsing".If you did, there's something wrong with you.My only response to someone liking this movie would probably be: OFF WITH YOUR HEAD! Yep, it's that bad.It's a terribly acted and obnoxious spoof of MUCH better movies."Scream" may have been better than "Scary Movie", but at least that movie had the guts to spoof "Scream" instead of just using some of the characters and other plot devices for laughs.
Why bother to explain the plot when there is no plot? That's a tough thing to do.I'm going to try to make it as explainable as possible.A guy is shown working at a video store and he's selling videos.His friends tell him that they're going to a party but the guy has to drop off some movies first.While they're on the road, famous serial killers from *cough* better *cough* movies team up to find the group of friends and kill them for no explainable reason.You get everyone from Michael Myers (Halloween) to Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th) to Pinhead (Hellraiser) to Chucky (Child's Play).The movie even tries to be funny with the characters by making Michael Myers Jewish and Pinhead having needles you get shots with instead of pins! Hahahahaha!
In case you didn't know, that was a fake laugh.I chuckled once or twice during this movie.The movie simply isn't very funny.It never explains why the killers teamed up, how they met, and why they're in the movie in the first place.You're not supposed to have a lot of explanations in spoofs, but this movie left me furious with the questions it left me.I say rent "Scary movie" and laugh your butt off while you let "Stan Helsing" grow cobwebs in the shelves of video stores.What is it doing in a video store? Burn it!
Grade: D+
Remember how "Scary Movie" lampooned horror movies in a way that was actually funny? I really miss those days.Remember "Van Helsing"? Whether you liked it or not, I pray to God that you won't like "Stan Helsing".If you did, there's something wrong with you.My only response to someone liking this movie would probably be: OFF WITH YOUR HEAD! Yep, it's that bad.It's a terribly acted and obnoxious spoof of MUCH better movies."Scream" may have been better than "Scary Movie", but at least that movie had the guts to spoof "Scream" instead of just using some of the characters and other plot devices for laughs.
Why bother to explain the plot when there is no plot? That's a tough thing to do.I'm going to try to make it as explainable as possible.A guy is shown working at a video store and he's selling videos.His friends tell him that they're going to a party but the guy has to drop off some movies first.While they're on the road, famous serial killers from *cough* better *cough* movies team up to find the group of friends and kill them for no explainable reason.You get everyone from Michael Myers (Halloween) to Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th) to Pinhead (Hellraiser) to Chucky (Child's Play).The movie even tries to be funny with the characters by making Michael Myers Jewish and Pinhead having needles you get shots with instead of pins! Hahahahaha!
In case you didn't know, that was a fake laugh.I chuckled once or twice during this movie.The movie simply isn't very funny.It never explains why the killers teamed up, how they met, and why they're in the movie in the first place.You're not supposed to have a lot of explanations in spoofs, but this movie left me furious with the questions it left me.I say rent "Scary movie" and laugh your butt off while you let "Stan Helsing" grow cobwebs in the shelves of video stores.What is it doing in a video store? Burn it!
Grade: D+
In : bad movies
